When They Go Low, We Go High
Michelle Obama was in Melbourne and Sydney this week and, honestly, what a woman.
Seventeen million books sold, arenas full, a global fan base and the sort of calm, grounded presence that makes you sit up a little straighter and consider drinking more water.
She has so many wonderful lines, but of course, the one that resonates deeply with me is:
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s the power of using your voice.”
Well, amen to that.
But the quote that has stayed with me is the famous:
“When they go low, we go high.”
It came to mind because of a number of coaching sessions I have had recently with very capable people who are being spoken over, interrupted, dismissed or ignored.
And yes, before we go any further, I know. Sometimes people are rude. Sometimes meetings are badly chaired. Sometimes the loudest person in the room has the emotional intelligence of a wheelie bin.
However.
There is another possibility.
Sometimes, just sometimes, we may not be landing.
We may be too quiet. Too vague. Too long-winded. Too apologetic. Too flat. Too buried in the detail. Too mentally defeated before we even open our mouths.
Bit confronting?
Yes. But stay with me.
The truth is, most people are not boring. They are not voiceless. They are not without presence. They simply have not been taught the skills and it is thrown off key by the mental patterns.
Presence is not magic. It is not something bestowed on a chosen few at birth, while the rest of us shuffle around apologising for having opinions.
Presence is a skill.
Voice is a skill.
Taking space is a skill.
Holding attention is a skill.
And, definitely, it starts with reframing our minds.
Because the pattern often begins long before the meeting.
You walk in already thinking:
“They are wrong.”
“They are rude.”
“They disrespect me.”
And then, surprise, surprise, your body receives the memo.
Your breath goes high. Your voice thins. Your sentences trail away. Your eyes drop. Your energy retreats. And before you know it, you are communicating: “Don’t worry about me. I’ll just be over here, quietly becoming wallpaper.”
Now, let’s be clear. There are real systemic issues here. We know women are interrupted more often than men. We know bias exists. We know many workplaces reward volume over value, which is deeply unfortunate because some people have quite a lot of volume and not a great deal of value.
But even when the environment is imperfect, the question remains:
What can I do?
How can I reframe this in my mind?
How can I attract attention differently?
How can I make my message sharper?
How can I use my voice, body, timing and language so people actually stop, look and listen?
Because “going high” means work at changing mental patterns and rethinking what we do.
It means refusing to collapse into resentment.
It means choosing action over sulking.
It means getting help before you decide the only answer is to leave the job, change industries, move to Tasmania and start again with donkeys. (Although, frankly, donkeys have their appeal.)
So often, I advise people to sort out the pattern before they walk out. Not because they should tolerate poor behaviour, but because there may be something powerful to learn.
It’s a little like marriage guidance, which I’d recommend if I didn’t have such a questionable track record.
But in business, this I know:
Before you leave, try lifting.
Lift your mind.
Lift your act.
Lift your expectations of yourself AND others.
And to do that, here is my business advice for the week:
Reach out.
Get help.
Try something different.
Because when they go low, you do not have to go quiet.
You do not have to go small.
You do not have to go home and replay the meeting 47 times while eating cheese from the fridge.
You can go high.
And when all else fails, I do find this mantra remarkably useful:
“Forgive them, Lord. They know not what they do.”
And then, preferably, book the coaching.
Let me know your thoughts.
Love,
Dr Louise Mahler