When “Be More Mongrel” is the brief

When “Be More Mungrel” is the brief

She’d done the work. Strong results. Clean thinking. A team that trusted her. A board that had finally agreed to appoint a woman to a senior role they’d been calling “succession” for years.

Then came the feedback.

“Can you be more… mungrel?”

It wasn’t said as an insult. It was offered as coaching. A well-meaning instruction to sharpen her impact on government decision making.

She sat opposite me and repeated the word back slowly, as if tasting something foreign.

The problem wasn’t that she couldn’t do it. The problem was that she didn’t want to perform a version of leadership that wasn’t hers.

And that is the conundrum many organisations pretend has been solved.

We are introducing female leaders into roles that were designed around a male template of authority.

The Role has a gender, even when we don’t name it

Most workplaces will tell you they’re past it. And isn’t this at least part of the recent Liberal leadership debate? Just saying!

They have policies. Targets. Talent programs. Panels that look different now. They can point to women on the website, in the annual report, in the photos from the last strategy offsite.

Yet the moment a woman steps into a senior position, the old expectations surface, not in what is said publicly, but in what is coached privately.

Be tougher.

Be less emotional.

Lower your voice.

Don’t smile so much.

Be more decisive.

Be more “mungrel”.

The language changes depending on the culture. The message does not.

It is still the belief that authority is best expressed in a masculine communication style, direct, hardened, unbending, sometimes a little combative.

That style can be effective. It is not the only one and we are in a process of transition.

Here is the calmly confronting truth:

If you ask a woman to be more “mungrel”, you are admitting you still only recognise one shape of power.

What looks strong isn’t always what reads as strong

This is where leaders get caught and why I reflect back on the skills of Gravitas, which I believe encompass all possibilities.

When a woman is coached to take on a manner that isn’t hers, she may gain short-term approval and lose long-term authority. Not because her original style was weak, but because the mismatch is sensed.

They say they want maturity.

Then they coach for aggression.

That contrast is not a woman’s issue. It is a leadership literacy issue.

A different kind of power, in plain sight

Jacinda Ardern’s memoir 'A Different Kind of Power' offers a public example of what happens when a leader refuses to trade her temperament for legitimacy. She didn’t lead by performing toughness. She led by staying coherent especially in moments where the world expected a harder face.

You can disagree with decisions and still notice the discipline of her communication: the steadiness, the emotional accuracy and the refusal to posture.

That is what many boards struggle to name.

They can recognise commands. They are less fluent in recognising composure. And so they keep coaching women towards behaviours that resemble the old model, while claiming the organisation is changing.

Gravitas Gap

The problem is solved by recognising the gap between management and leadership and is filled by the five canons of Rhetoric that make up Gravitas and the Manner of trust and respect.

Gravitas provides answers to bringing your whole self to every engagement with personal power and influence. But that is a longer discussion.

The real question leaders should ask

If you want female leaders to succeed, stop introducing them as exceptions to the rule.

Change the rule.

Teach the organisation to recognise authority expressed through more than one register: firmness without aggression, warmth without apology, clarity without combat.

It requires attention. And it requires senior leaders to admit that what they personally find “strong” may simply be what they’re used to.

If you want to do this properly inside your organisation, book a leadership session for your executive team.

There are many ways to skin a cat.

Love,
Dr Louise Mahler