How to Handle a Difficult Board Interaction

This week felt like a scratched record.

Again and again, I heard stories of executives left emotionally flattened by a poor boardroom experience. Not mildly rattled. Properly shaken. The sort of exchange that follows you home, replays at 2.00 am, and has you mentally rewriting your answers in the shower.

I confess, part of me wants to march into the room, point at the offending party, and ask, “What exactly are you hoping to achieve here?” Because if you destroy the confidence of the very people carrying the knowledge, relationships and operational wisdom of the organisation, what do you imagine happens next? Applause? Unlikely. Collapse? More probable.

Let’s call this particular type of operator a silverback.

To be clear, not every Chair or board member behaves this way. Many are wise, measured and deeply constructive. But when a silverback does appear, the effect can be dramatic. They can shrink a room, silence good people and leave talented executives doubting their own capability.

And that is not a small problem. It is an organisational one.

So why do silverbacks exist?

Like many troubling behaviours, I suspect fear sits somewhere underneath it all. Fear of losing control. Fear of appearing weak. Fear of being irrelevant. Fear, frankly, of who knows what. Human beings are wonderfully irrational creatures. Some people are frightened of strawberries. So it is entirely possible that the boardroom tyrant is running on an internal drama no one else can even see.

It may also be learned behaviour. People copy what they believe has worked. If they have seen aggression mistaken for authority, interruption mistaken for intelligence, or intimidation mistaken for leadership, they may simply keep performing the same tired act.

And yes, public life has not helped. We have had a front-row seat to years of bluster, domination and performative power on the international stage. When that style is constantly on display, it starts to look normal. It is not normal. It is just loud.

So what do you do?

First, recognise the pattern. This behaviour has probably paid off for them before, so they will keep using it.

Second, accept a hard truth: you are unlikely to change them.

You will need to change your response.

That is not surrender. That is a strategy.

Because when a board interaction goes badly, the damage is rarely confined to the meeting itself. Confidence can fracture. Engagement can disappear. Thinking narrows. Performance drops. Careers wobble. Left unchecked, it becomes a nasty spiral.

You could, of course, take the psychological route and unpack everyone’s childhood for the next four years. But if your next board meeting is on 10 May, that may be a touch ambitious.

The more practical answer lies in skills and framework.

Start here: 

1. Have a neutral position to return to. 

I call this bar. Like the old game of chasey, the bar is the safe zone. It is your physical reset point. A balanced posture. Steady feet. Relaxed shoulders. No fidgeting, shrinking or flapping about like an injured ibis. Just neutral, grounded presence. 

2. Keep breathing. 

When people say, “I just couldn’t think,” what has often happened is not a sudden drop in IQ. They have frozen. And when the body freezes, breathing often goes with it. So keep yourself moving in small, controlled ways. Nod. Blink. Soften the jaw. Let the breath keep travelling. A rigid body produces a rigid mind.

3. Use response frameworks until they become automatic. 

Under pressure, we do not rise to the occasion. We fall to our training. 

In my view, there are three frameworks every executive needs in these moments: 

* How to answer a straightforward question clearly 

* How to answer an emotional question, or one where you do not yet have the answer 

* How to give feedback without inflaming the room 

Each of these requires more than words. They need the right eye contact, gesture, breath and pacing to carry authority. 

Because in difficult board interactions, content alone is not enough. You may know the answer inside out, but if your body collapses, your voice tightens and your breathing disappears, your message can go down with you. 

The good news is this: these are learnable skills. 

You do not need to become tougher, louder or more aggressive. You need to become more skilful.

That is a far better ambition and it’s all learnable. 

Ask me how!