Age and Wisdom Win

Everyone is talking about it.

Now, you know I am a Collingwood AFL tragic; yes, tragic, and happily so but Scott Pendlebury’s Anzac Day game was something else.

The man is 38 years old. In AFL terms, that is not just mature; that is practically Roman marble.

And yet, there he was:

38 years old in one of the most physically demanding games in the country.

43 touches - the most in his extraordinary career.

Anzac Day Medallist again.

His fourth Anzac Day Medal, with the first back in 2010.

His 431st game, which edges him close to all-time greatness.

Now, anyone can see the possessions. That is the obvious bit. But what commentators have been pointing out is what the untrained eye often misses.

Pendlebury sets up the ball for others.

He manages space.

He reads the field before the field has happened.

He coaches while he plays.

Among all the young, fast, talented players on the ground, Pendlebury was the best.

Age and experience pay off.

And, of course, this is not just true in football. It is true in communication.

There are plenty of young, talented speakers, trainers and coaches out there offering advice on body language, influence, presentation and leadership presence. Some of it is excellent. Some of it, however, makes me want to lie down with a cold compress and a strong cup of tea.

So, from my aged (educated and experienced perspective, if I may say so myself) let me offer three pieces of communication wisdom.

1. Stop trying to spot liars

One of my pet hates is being asked to teach people how to spot liars.

This is fabulous work if you deal in the area of crime, but here’s the thing: I do not work with criminals. And if you are in the fields in which I work — leadership, boards, executive presence — neither do you.

This obsession with “spotting deception” sends people down the wrong path. It makes them suspicious, distracted and oddly forensic in normal human interactions.

Communication is not a crime scene.

Yes, people may be nervous, guarded, unclear, defensive or under pressure. That does not mean they are lying. It means they are human.

Let that one go.

2. Stop obsessing over how others perceive you

The second issue is our relentless focus on perception.

This way of thinking grew rapidly from the 1970s body language boom and it is a fascinating and fun area (Am I measured as No.13 in the world? Yes, I am).

However, frankly, it has skewed the whole conversation. Suddenly, people start worrying about how others perceive their every movement, eyebrow and chair angle.

No wonder performance anxiety has gone through the roof.

If you walk into a meeting thinking, “How am I being perceived? What are they thinking? Why did they look at me that way? - You are no longer communicating. You are monitoring others.

And you will probably get it wrong.

The better question is, “How do I bring my best?” and “What is my purpose here, and how can I connect clearly?” The work we do on the body is mostly for you rather than others.

Let the perception focus take a rest.

3. Stop saying the voice needs “strengthening”

Lastly, please do not let anyone tell you that your voice simply needs “strengthening”.

This is one of those phrases that sounds useful but often hides a lack of understanding.

Strictly speaking, you do not strengthen the voice in the same way you strengthen a bicep. The voice is not one muscle. It is a coordinated system involving breath, vocal fold vibration, resonance, articulation, posture, nervous system regulation and intention.

So, if someone says, “Do these three exercises and you’ll have a powerful voice,” I may need to be revived with smelling salts.

Let’s be clear. The vocal folds are what they are. They create the sound you make. They do not bulk up like a quadricep at the gym. You cannot take them to Pilates and ask them to tone.

What you can do is strengthen the conditions that allow the voice to function with greater power, stamina, clarity and ease.

That means improving breath coordination, so the voice is supported rather than squeezed.

It means working on laryngeal coordination, not brute force.

It means protecting vocal health through hydration, rest and wise use, rather than flogging the poor thing like a tired horse at the end of a long week.

And it means understanding resonance and placement, because a voice can sound stronger without being pushed harder.

That is the bit many people miss. You are not necessarily adding force. You are reducing waste.

A strong voice is not a loud voice.

A strong voice is an organised voice.

And that is where age and experience matter - in understanding the game.

Just as Pendlebury does not win because he is the youngest or the fastest, great communication results come from someone not in their first rodeo.

It is about wisdom.

And wisdom, thankfully, still has a pretty good kick on it.

Let me hear your thoughts.

Love,

Dr Louise Mahler